Leaving a Place I Finally Felt More Connected Too

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I'm moving.

I've been describing the feeling of it all as bittersweet. Through it all, there is good and bad to moving. Leaving behind friends and people I love to go across the state to a completely different town. I have a couple friends there so it will be nice to be around them more.

Part One

I grew up here

Its hard to really say this town is perfect, its far from it. around 4,000 people in total, middle of no where, car centric. Memories both good and bad.

Ive loved and lost people in this town, made mistakes, and done great things. The town is full of bigots, but I can feel change in the air. The sound of new winds from new people, and a new generation.

I remember going to school with cashiers, I remember teachers in the local news. I read obituaries of old friends family members. 26 years of life, that i will look back on both fondly, and with disdain.

When I was younger I used to go fishing with my father at local lakes and rivers. He was a big fan of trout fishing, and had his own buisiness where he would wash peoples cars. I often would go with him, and as a teenager would help him on the job for some money.

I remember going to the library with my nana, amazed by all the books and activities. The people working there where always the friendliest.

Going into town with my mother, going shopping with her just to go out.

The trips to other parts of Appalachia, the beautiful sights we would see.

Part Two

Something in Appalachia

You could put me anywhere else in southern appalachia and maybe I would feel less weird. I cant tell if its the views you get when you drive. The breeze coming through my window on a nice day. The deer in the yard going along peacefully. Losing it all is hard.

I am not connected to the land, but i grew up on it. The older I got the more I understood about it. The harder it feels to move away from it. This area is all I know, and I know it can be bad and I know it can be good.

I've said this to people and it just feels as if they don't get it. It took a long time for me to realize I love this place. Despite the hand I was dealt, I found something here that grew in me from when I was younger. I still don't find myself fitting the mold here, but thats good. Despite being a more outcast person I still found community within the people I know.

Part Three

There is Good To It

I've been mostly stuck to a house since I was 18. I never had anywhere else to go from here, and the town has never given me the opportunity to be in a better situation. So in some ways I was lucky to even have a house. We live out in the middle of no where, nothin comes out this far, and I don't have a way to go into town on my own.

We are moving to somewhere still out in the middle of nowhere. However less so. Its closer to a two cities, being right in between 'em. I will have more opportunity, more resources at hand. So I can hopefully find a way to get my life on track at least somewhat over there.

Its a blue part of the state as well. So I can try to be more myself, more acceptance is always a good thing.

I will always try to see the good, despite the bad. Queerness is inherent to who I am. I can only hope I will find more community there.

Part Four

Bury Me In The Hills

I hung out for the final time with a friend on Saturday. As of writing this its only been a little over 24 hours. While we where together, we went to this little store that sells a variety of things. In the store they have a large sticker wall with all sorts of things, I once got a sticker that said "The First Pride was a Riot".

Well this time while we where at the sticker wall there where a number of Appalachian themed stickers. Most of them weren't my style, but one stuck out to at least.

I've explained it badly to everyone I feel like i've told. Its a way to remember the Appalachia's that feels right for me. A quote that speaks to me both in what it says and how it feels to be leaving.

It feels like a way of saying I want to come back, even if its at the end of my life. I think home is where ever you make it. I will make anywhere I go my home, but a piece of me will always be in the hills.

Love Every Trans Woman You Meet Before It's Too Late.