Names Are Weird

I've had this site for around a year now, maybe a little more. This site is also why I finally started going by StickTrix more online. At the time of creating my site online, I went by the name Sapph.Ink, the name, was a mix of sapphic and Ink, cause I was making mostly art at the time, and at the time I identified most with the term sapphic.

I switched to StickTrix online on all my socials cause I realized how much of a character I put on under the name Sapph.ink. It wasn't who I was; it was this advertiser-friendly persona that I just hated putting on the mask of.

Since then I've been far more open about myself online; I'm way more talkative and political.

Having Multiple Names

Sticktrix, or Strix for short, has become more than just a nickname in that I enjoy being called it. Ashe is my name, but Strix is also my name. I am not just fine with being called Strix, I prefer it in some cases. Similarly to how some people prefer to be called certain pronouns from certain people or on certain days.

It's weird trying to explain this, though; I still let people decide what they want to call me. I find a lot of people assume Strix is the nickname while Ashe is the real name. It's hard to put into words for people I just met that they can call me either; they can switch it up even if they feel like it.

Ashe

I chose Ashe, mostly on a whim, and it's more or less stuck. I enjoy the name, though sometimes I wonder about switching it again. I feel like other trans people have these really interesting names that they're connected to.

People base it off their favorite character, or a name they're close to, or the name their parents would have called them if they were born that gender. I don't have that last one; it was never even thought up by my parents. Ashe I got from Overwatch. I don't even fucking play Overwatch. I also don't have any care about the character in the game the name is from. I read the name from Overwatch and went, "Mine."

It is mine. I don't want it to seem like I have some dislike for the name I've chosen. I just worry about impostor syndrome. Feeling like I chose my name for a stupid reason.

StickTrix

StickTrix came up when I was a teenager looking for a new name on my RuneScape account. I needed a name, and at the time I played the drums heavily. Well, drummers do things called stick tricks. That's literally it: shove it together and replace the last three letters with an X, and you get the name. It was mostly a joke at the time, a necessity, and no one else had it. Come to find out, literally no one else had it anywhere really.

Strix

Strix came about from friends, needing something to call me with Sticktrix being too long. The amount of people who called me this on their own is truly wild to me. Very, very few people shortened it to "stick" or anything else, though that did happen. Strix, for some reason, became the de facto way to refer to me by people who were complete strangers to each other.

I enjoy that; I like that people decided on this name for me, and it felt right. Strix through time, became just a name for myself that I identify with. It was chosen for me by friends and people who care about me.

Sapph.Ink

I no longer use this name, but I think there are still parts of me that connect with it, mostly because I used it for so long. Sapph.Ink like I said, came from a need to have a name for my art persona online; I wanted something that felt catchy but also was themed.

I didn't realize till last year that it became more of a chain holding me down than a name I identified heavily with. Anytime I came online, it became a way to make myself as fake and "advertiser friendly" as possible. Like I had to be someone I wasn't to make art that I wanted to make that would be controversial. I would stop myself from posting things just because I thought that's how you were meant to be online.

Creating this site made me realize just how unauthentic I was being to myself under this name. I realized quickly how little the name fit me, because I was having fun and enjoying making something that was unapologetically for me and myself. The name had to go, and I'm clearly better off for it. Better off for shedding a part of me that wasn't really me.

Deepness

I don't have anything of substance to add to this post. I just wanted to talk about something. Its weird having names, I think as a trans person I find names fun because they are so much closer to my identity than say pronouns or gendered language.

When cis people go "I'll just call them their name." as if its meant to be some ick to call someone their pronouns and the name is too formal. I think like... yeah do that, my name is me. My name is apart of who I am, more than your strict gender ideas ever have been. I am a woman yes, but I am more Ashe, and I am more Strix. Than I am your idea of me.

Other Stuff

I have a series of posts I am planning on writing around certain things that people do. Think "kill the cop in your head" (literally planned to be my next one), but other than that im not gonna talk about any games this month cause i am tired. January from here on is my damn time off month. In the future i aint doing SHIT during January cause fuck this 100 day month oh my god.

Love Every Trans Woman You Meet Before It's Too Late.